positive reinforcement and that one guy on the bus...

I had a little run-in with that one guy on the bus that I mentioned a few posts earlier.  He was doing his normal staring routine.  But, this time, I felt his gaze on me...I didn't feel that it was sexual by any means.  But I had to make a choice:  was I to go on the defensive and let him stare at me, or was I to stare back to let him know that I wasn't going to allow him to invade my comfort.  I chose to stare back.  He didn't immediately break his stare, but eventually did, after about 3 or 4 seconds.  I had won the battle, but I was sure that the war was far from over. 

Then something unexpected happened.  He showed civility and kindness to a fellow passenger.  The passenger was sitting down and had her backpack on her lap, thus she couldn't reach the signal chord.  The man saw this (because he was then staring at her) and reached for the chord.  After the "thank you" and "you're welcome" ensued he looked at me and said, "I couldn't even lift that arm three weeks ago."  I, of course, had to say, "Why not?"  I indulged him and he ended up telling me about his being prone to accidents and his pain tolerance.  I actually found his story amusing.  He spoke fairly well and used some well-timed wit.  As he was getting off the bus he told me to "have a good one."

Shortly after I was trying to reconcile these seemingly different (from the outside, granted) men.  I think what this guy really is, is lonely.  Staring at women is just a symptom of being lonely I suppose.  I bet all he really wants is to be talked to.  Maybe speaking to him is the best way in which to protect the women on the bus.  It also helps out a lonely guy.  We'll see what the next conversation entails.

If you are in a teaching position or any other position of authority, it is my opinion that positive reinforcement is generally a good idea.  I'm all for expecting excellence, holding others to the highest standards, etc, but there comes a time when a human being needs to be told "Good job," or "it's coming along."  Hearing this isn't just something to feed the ego, but it enables the subject in question to continually renew his motivation and vigor in what he or she is being evaluated on.  Therefore, it shouldn't be patronizing or insincere, but well-timed and with purpose.  Related to this, trying to understand students and subordinates as individuals is certainly a good idea.  Don't just run through the check-list.  Understand who they are, where they are coming from, and how best they can respond to your authority.